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SPINAL CORD INJURY: READING THE MAP. ADJUSTMENT
Vanessa worked as a waitress while attending community college part time. Her family was financially comfortable but not wealthy, and Vanessa had always known she would have to make her own way in the world and support herself after high school. She was an attractive, hard-working young woman with a good sense of humor. She had many friends and enjoyed going out to bars and parties, and liked to take boating trips near her bayside town. Although she had dated in high school, Vanessa had not had a serious romance. She hoped to get married and have a family, but not until she had finished college and found the “right” man.
Vanessa prided herself on her independence, her loyalty to her family (she lived in an apartment with her sister and visited her parents and grandparents often), and her physical fitness (she regularly went bike riding and swimming and could handle a small sailboat). Her career goals were still somewhat hazy. She enjoyed her business classes and thought about going into accounting or possibly law, then building a business or practice in her small home town.
On a beautiful sunny day in the summer she turned twenty-one, Vanessa was out on the bay in a cabin cruiser owned by the father of a friend. A group of friends had planned the outing: a picnic, some beer, and dance music on the boat. Sometime after lunch, Vanessa became aware that several of the young men had had too many beers and were becoming reckless. The man steering the boat was going much too fast and swerving dangerously close to the shoreline. Most of the group was caught up in merrymaking, many below deck, and didn’t seem to notice the danger.
Vanessa called out to the man at the helm to slow down, but he didn’t respond. She started to walk up the deck to confront him when, suddenly, the boat careened into a piling on the shore. The back of the boat jerked up and Vanessa was bounced up into the air. She landed hard on her back on the deck and felt a jolt of pain. Minutes later a friend tried to help her up, but Vanessa could not stand up. She had broken her back.
Vanessa had a spinal fracture that required fusion surgery and resulted in incomplete paraplegia. After two months in a rehabilitation hospital, she could walk with crutches for moderate distances. Although she was building strength and endurance, uneven muscle strength gave her a gait that, though functional, was clearly abnormal. She managed her bowel and bladder care. She had no “accidents” (incontinence) and had mastered the use of catheterization kits that could be stored in her purse or pocket. Her doctors expected her to get stronger and more proficient with the crutches, and even progress to the use of canes. But they thought it unlikely that Vanessa would ever walk without an assistive device.
Vanessa’s humor, independent spirit, and supportive family helped her through her initial recovery and the emotional roller coaster of early rehabilitation. Initially she had been very angry about the accident – at herself for misjudging her friends, and at the driver of the boat for his recklessness. She had been sad about her injuries, though not clinically depressed. She knew that waitressing and most sports would no longer be possible, but she was eager to get on with college and hoped to find an office job. After talking to her physical therapist about sports, she found that swimming and riding a stationary bike were still possible. She would be able to get in and out of her apartment without difficulty and drive a car with hand controls. Overall, her recovery went more smoothly than she could have imagined that first day in the Emergency Room.
Yet as Vanessa’s discharge date approached, she became increasingly anxious about facing the world. A casual comment from a friend – “I’m sure you’ll get rid of the crutches if you keep working at it” – set off an explosion of questions and concerns. Vanessa worried about her appearance and acceptability to others. As she stood before the mirror, she wasn’t sure she looked the same as before the accident. Did the crutches make her ugly? Was her unusual gait “gimpy” and repulsive? Was she working hard enough for recovery or was she wimping out? Would her friends want to be seen with her at parties? Had she changed inside because of the accident? Was she the same person as before?
She had just started to feel good about her recovery, but now the road ahead looked very scary. For the first time, Vanessa asked herself if she could manage life, especially her social life, with her disability. She knew it was not enough to be physically independent. She would have to confront her changed appearance, self-image, and identity in order to reenter the world of her peers.
After a spinal cord injury, a person’s concern with appearance can be triggered by a friend’s remark, as it was for Vanessa, but more often it arises spontaneously early in rehabilitation or soon after going home and resuming social activities. A variety of visible changes can accompany a spinal cord injury, and these changes can affect one’s self-image and identity. And, like all disabled people, individuals with spinal cord injury will encounter negative reactions to their appearance.
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