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STEPS TO A HEALTHY HEART: CONSIDER THE CHILDREN
If Dad broke a bone skiing down a challenging run on the slopes, the kids would probably be proud of him, although they might kid him about “acting his age”. An automobile accident might bring weeks in the hospital and lots of sympathy. But a heart attack somehow reminds children that Dad (or Mum) is mortal indeed and that they won’t have him or her around forever.
Every child, whether 8, 18 or 28, has some strong fears and anxieties when they hear the term HEART ATTACK. It’s right up there with the word DIVORCE as a basic dread of the real world.
The dream of every child whose parents get divorced is that they’ll get back together. Almost never does this happen, and some real psychological damage can result. But when it comes to heart attack and bypass surgery, you can honestly explain that the outcome is going to be positive.
The explanations should be at the child’s level of understanding, but should cover the basics of the anatomy of the heart, the process of the disease, the factors that led to the heart attack and/or bypass, and the lifestyle modifications that will ensure a speedy recovery and a likelihood that this isn’t going to happen again. This would be the time to start encouraging the kids to take an active role in making this a family affair in terms of everyone adopting a healthier lifestyle. Whether the children are in primary school, college or on their own, they know the basic truths of what you’re saying and have heard them stated time and again in the media. Now the reality has struck close to home, and it’s time to take this all to heart for everyone’s sake.
Realise, however, that there can be some backlash. The kids, if they’re living at home, may resent dietary changes. It’s a long way from the standard teenage diet of pizzas, hamburgers and tacos to a low-fat diet. Creativity and effort can make all the difference. My books The 8-Week Cholesterol Cure and Cholesterol & Children contain recipes that are more in tune with real Western tastes than most heart-healthy cookbooks. I talk about ways to make those pizzas, hamburgers and tacos, and a lot of other foods, with all the fun and flavour but without the fat. Give it a try. While you?re at it, it would be a good idea for the kids to read Cholesterol & Children themselves.
Get the children involved in the recovery process all the way. Divide up some of the chores that need to be done. Then balance that off by planning some involvement together. No matter how jaded today’s kids tend to get, they still yearn for expressions of parental love. Spending an hour or so playing a board game together can be a boost for everyone’s spirits.
But don’t put too much of the burden on the children. Imagine the horrors and potential damage of the following true stories. In one case, the mother told her eight-year-old son that he’d have to be the man of the house now that Daddy was sick. In the other instance, a boy came out of the parent’s bedroom wearing Dad’s wedding ring with the announcement that he was now the man Mum could depend on. Placing such heavy burdens on young shoulders will almost certainly result in psychological scars that will carry into adulthood.
Don’t leave Dad (or Mum) out of the picture. Continue to seek his advice. Let him maintain his sense of authority. To do otherwise will be harmful to all parties.
No matter why a person is “under the weather” he or she will tire more easily and will tend to be a bit more grumpy or more easily irritated than usual. The entire family will have to learn, and accept, new limits.
Finally another comparison with the modern blight of divorce in the family. Children of divorced parents very often feel somehow guilty for having caused the divorce. Little boys and girls frequently promise “to be good” if Mum and Dad will get back together. Even older children wonder whether they were somehow responsible for fomenting family discord that led to the break-up.
So it is with heart disease. Quickly defuse any idea that the children are responsible, even in the smallest way, for the parent’s heart attack.
The best rule for dealing with cardiac recovery for the family is to keep life as close to normal as possible. The patient must also realise that his or her temperament might, in fact probably will, change for the worse. But the change will be temporary. So try to be a little more understanding. All of you.
*58/85/2*

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